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Let's make this quick:

BEST PICTURE - The Hurt Locker

I never seen it. It's funny cuss my mom rented it. It's on the table near the tv. And neither of us have seen it yet. From what I understand, it's just another Iraq war movie, but it's SO good that it's recommended by EVERYONE. I'm surprised this movie beat Avatar. Not because I think Avatar should win, I liked it but thought it was just ok in terms of story. No, I'm surprised because Avatar seemed like the Juggernaut candidate that was gonna dominate the awards. It's kinda disappointing because I look at the other nominees and see what could've won: District 9, An Education, Inglorious Bastards, A Serious Man, Up, and Up in the Air. There's also Precious, but, I never saw that. I had a feeling Inglorious Bastards and District 9 weren't going to win for BEST picture. Up is good, but I rarely see an animated feature win for BEST. An Education was a nice film, but wasn't really BEST material. Out of all these films, I think Up in the Air should've won. It was one of the best films I saw that year. It was well acted, had great heart to it, and I applauded it for it's refusal to succumb to a conventional Hollywood ending. But you know, maybe I'm over reacting, maybe The Hurt Locker is JUST THAT GOOD. I dunno, I have it in my house, maybe later I'll watch it.

ACTOR IN LEADING ROLE - Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)

FUCK YES! I loved that movie, Jeff Bridges was amazing in that film, I'm so happy about that. I'm sorry the other nominees (Cloony from Up in the Air and Colin Firth from A Single Man (great performances)) didn't win, but I'm glad one of you one.

ACTOR IN SUPPORTING ROLE - Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Bastards)

Another great winner. I enjoyed his performance. He really set the bar for one of the greatest villains to hit the screen. The suave slimyness of his character really held many scenes together and gave us a film we weren't expecting. The other nominees ... I ... I never saw those movies.

ACTRESS IN LEADING ROLE - Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)

God. Damn. It. REALLY? Are you serious? You could not find anything to beat that glorified hollywood piece of shit!? You can just tell by the trailers it was made solely for the awards. There's nothing in there but shallow pretentiousness in disguise of a character of virtue. It just ... gah! But ... who knows ... maybe it's ... not so ... no, the movie probably sucks. But, I dunno, maybe I should see ... I don't want to though.

ACTRESS IN SUPPORTING ROLE - Mo'Nique (Precious)

Never saw it. Might've been a good film, I dunno, might have to look into THAT as well. I dunno. It would'be been nice to see any of the girls from Up in the Air or Maggie Gyllenhaal from Crazy Heart to win. But then again, it's just because I saw those films.

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM - Up

Nice. I saw the nominees for this and I've seen and enjoyed all of them, so any of them winning would've made me happy. Especially Coroline or Up. All except for ONE i've seen, The Secret of Kells. I've never heard of this. But, it looks pretty good. I'll check it out.

ART DIRECTION - Avatar

See, it's ok that it didn't win best film, it won something. Something it's more deserving in. Cuss Avatar really is something for the eyes.

CINEMATOGRAPHY - Avatar

Oh, another one? So soon? ... OK, I guess the two go together. Still, a joy to see.

Eh, at this rate we'll be here all night, let's just skip through the rest.

COSTUME DESIGN - Sandy Powell (The Young Victoria)

Never saw it.

DIRECTING - The Hurt Locker

Never saw it.

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE - The Cove.

Now, I've HEARD of this. Saw trailers for it. But, never saw it.

DOCUMENTARY SHORT - Music by Prudence

Never saw it.

FILM EDITING - The Hurt Locker

God damn it Hurt Locker, leave me alone! I haven't seen you! ... Keep this shit up, I never will.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM - The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)
Surprise. Surprise. Never seen it. Although I have seen one of the other nominees, The White Ribbon (Das Weisse Band). It was OK, not great. Kinda long and ... kinda boring, but I kinda liked it. Another nominee, A Prophet (Un Prophète) is in theaters and I was planning on seeing it, it looked pretty cool. Sorry that THAT didn't win, but, who knows, maybe it doesn't deserve it. I'll wait and see.

MAKE UP - Star Trek

... Heh ... Heh heh ... hahahahahahahahaha! Really? Make Up? That's ... That's your claim to fame in the academy? Wow.

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE) - Up

I DID kinda like the music in that.

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG) - The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)

That was a pretty good song, though truth be told I enjoyed the song Flyin' and Fallin' a little more, if only because it was so catchy and was stuck in my head FOREVER!!!!! But the main song of course is gonna get the award, and I should just be happy for my movie again.

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED) - Logorama

Never saw it.

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION) - The New Tenants

Never saw it.

SOUND EDITING - The Hurt Locker

Oh come on now! What's so great about the fucking sound editing! Ooooooh, they edited the sound in the movie! Guess what, SO DOES EVERY OTHER MOVIE!!!!

SOUND MIXING - The Hurt Locker

...

VISUAL EFFECTS - Avatar

A given. Anything that involves LOOKING at anything, Avatar's gonna get. Just to remind everyone that Avatar is purely eye candy.

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY) - Precious

Ok. I'm taking their word for it.

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY) - The Hurt Locker

Oh really? The screenplay was THAT good? Really? Gee, just give this movie the fucking building it's given the awards at. It deserves it. Clearly.


So that's the Academy Awards. Up in the Air won nothing. The Hurt Locker won everything. This is usually why I don't watch these things, but, whatever. I got some movies to see.